Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
