Define "chronic" masturbator.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
