fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
