he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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