careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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