the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
