When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
