She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What a dumb baby whore.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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