It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
