Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
