For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
