I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
