You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
