Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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