he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
