can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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