On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
