Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
