now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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