Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
