You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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