I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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