i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
