Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
