Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
