Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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