You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
