I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
