Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
