im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The air was thick with penises
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize