fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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