if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
