i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
