i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize