I can feel you judging me through the phone.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
