we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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