Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
