is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
