At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
