I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
