i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize