dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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