their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
