Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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