yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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