Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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