I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
