i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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