if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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