I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
