I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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