He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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