Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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