Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I met the friendliest cop last night
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize