so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
