I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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