Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
