Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
