I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
