Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
