i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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