He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Someone came in the potted fern
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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