I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
