i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He told me they were just razor bumps!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
