Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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