I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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