someone owes me an orgasm
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
