I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
