I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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