i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just had sex bonerless
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
