You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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