speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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