i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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